internal locus of control

I've been taking this class called the Psychology of Stress for the past 6 weeks. I think I initially enrolled myself in this class way back in like--oh, I don't know--May or June (during the golden days when all I probablyyyy had to worry about was calculating the perfect angle by which I was going to have to bobby pin my graduation cap onto my hair so that my bangs wouldn't appear flat and greasy against the surface of my forehead) simply because the professor's difficulty rating was like a 3 out of 10 on bruinwalk.com. And, whether it was by sheer bad luck or by His sovereign purpose, I ended up having one of the stressful summers of my college years. I mean, if you haven't caught on by now, you probably have only been skimming.

Anyway, back to stress. The irony is that taking this class on the psychology of stress was probably what further contributed to my perception of stress, as I would sit there in lecture and begin to psychoanalyze why I was feeling a certain way, or what my personality type even had to do with how I chose to interpret my life events, or how I dealt with my problems and what that meant about what type of person I was, etc. The list can seriously continue on to eternity, especially because one thought bubble could oh-so-easily branch out into umpteenth more thought bubbles per minute. And so I would sit in that lecture room for 2 hours, and I would get fed 2 hour's worth of information, and then drive home in traffic and then start to stress more about traffic and potholes and other distasteful things of that nature. And then at the end of the day, I would ponder upon the events of my day, and helplessly come to the conclusion that the Lord has His purpose for everything. Oh, His purpose~ Oh, His loving plan~ La dee da dee da~ And I'll admit now that I think at the time the idea of the existence of a sovereign purpose that is largely beyond my limited understanding and control acted more like an Advil pill that temporarily alleviated my impressions of this existential void--whatever the heck that means...

Ummm, I have yet to conclude this entry, but I just suddenly turned lazy right now.

I'm going on a hiatus.